Communication During Performance Reviews

Leaders who avoid hard feedback aren’t protecting their people, they are setting them up to fail. Feedback is one of the most powerful tools we have in leadership but it’s also one of the most misused. Because leaders confuse compassion with avoidance, softening the truth until it loses all usefulness, or withholding it altogether under the guise of kindness. Compassionate feedback is about caring enough to be honest, in a way that allows other people to hear it. At APS Intelligence, we use a framework for compassionate feedback, designed to ensure that even difficult messages are delivered with clarity and respect: 1. Frame the feedback - Start by recognising effort and value to create psychological safety and remind people their work is seen and appreciated. 2. Ask permission - Feedback lands better when people feel like they have agency. Asking “Can I talk to you about something I’ve noticed?” is, as Dr. Shelby Hill says, a gentle knock on the door of someone’s psyche instead of barging in. 3. Be precise and objective - Describe what you’ve observed, not your interpretation of it. Feedback should focus on behaviour, not character. 4. Explain the impact - Share how the behaviour affects others or the work. Clarity about consequences builds accountability without blame. 5. Stay curious and open - Avoid assumptions. Ask questions that invite dialogue and understanding, not defence. 6. Collaborate on next steps - Offer support, not ultimatums. Feedback should be a shared problem to solve instead of a burden to bear. 7. End with perspective - Reaffirm their strengths and remind them that one issue does not define their value. Compassionate feedback allows honesty and humanity to coexist. It ensures that when people walk away, they feel respected, even if the message was hard to hear. This is a framework we use often at APS Intelligence. You can book a tailored workshop for your people managers or leadership cohorts to explore this further.

I stopped treating feedback like criticism and started treating it like free consulting. Because feedback isn’t about your worth. It’s about your blind spots. Most people waste feedback. They get defensive. They explain themselves. They ignore it. And then they wonder why nothing changes. ✅ How to treat feedback like free consulting (the real playbook): 1️⃣ Stop waiting for annual reviews. If you only hear feedback once a year, you’re already behind. Create your own feedback loop monthly, even weekly. 2️⃣ Ask sharper questions. Don’t ask “How am I doing?” Ask “What’s one thing I could do that would change the way you see me as a leader?” 3️⃣ Separate emotion from data. Feedback stings. That’s normal. But behind the sting is data. Extract it, use it, move forward. 4️⃣ Interrogate the source. Not all feedback is equal. Filter advice through one lens: Has this person achieved what I want to achieve? 5️⃣ Demand specifics. “Be more strategic” is useless. Push for examples. What did you say? What should you have said instead? Feedback without examples is noise. 6️⃣ Look for patterns, not one-offs. One person’s opinion is bias. Three people saying the same thing is truth. Patterns reveal where you need to act. 7️⃣ Stop explaining. The moment you start justifying, you close the door to honesty. Take it in, say thank you, move on. 8️⃣ Test it in real time. Don’t just collect notes. Try the new behaviour in your next meeting, pitch, or email. Feedback without testing is just theory. 9️⃣ Keep receipts. Document feedback and your response to it. When it’s time for promotion, you show the growth curve — not just claim it. 🔟 Flip the mirror. Give feedback as much as you take it. The best way to sharpen your own lens is to hold one up for someone else. We call it “feedback.” The unprepared call it “criticism.” The ambitious call it “an edge.” What’s the most valuable piece of feedback you ever received?

“Can I give you some feedback?” My stomach drops. “What did I do wrong?” “Am I in trouble?” “Do they regret hiring me?” “Is this the beginning of the end?” They haven’t even finished the sentence. Welcome to Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD). For many ADHD and autistic professionals, feedback doesn’t land as neutral data. It lands as threat. Not because we’re fragile. Not because we can’t grow. Not because we don’t want accountability. But because our nervous system reacts before logic gets a vote. What leaders often intend: 📌 Improvement 📌 Refinement 📌 Development What some neurodivergent brains hear: 🚨 Rejection 🚨 Failure 🚨 Loss of belonging And when that gap isn’t understood? People mask. Over-apologise. Over-work. Over-achieve. Burn out trying to prove they’re still “enough.” Here’s what helps: ✔ Start with clarity: “This isn’t about your performance overall.” ✔ Separate behaviour from identity ✔ Be specific, not global ✔ Avoid vague tone shifts (“we need to talk…”) ✔ Offer written follow-up to reduce rumination ✔ Invite processing time And for neurodivergent professionals: You’re not “too sensitive.” Your brain just processes social threat differently. The goal isn’t to avoid feedback. It’s to deliver it in a way that doesn’t activate survival mode. Leaders, what has improved how feedback lands in your team? Neurodivergent professionals, what makes feedback feel safe for you? #ADHDAtWork #AutismAtWork #InclusiveLeadership #Neurodiversity #RSD #BelongingNotFittingIn #LeadershipDevelopment

Did you know that 65% of employees say they want more feedback, but only 30% receive it regularly? No wonder so many teams feel stuck and unaligned. A few weeks ago, during a coaching conversation with my coachee, she said something that really made me pause: "I’ve never received feedback or even acknowledgment, so I don’t know if I’m doing great or falling short." She wasn’t upset—just confused. And it hit me: This isn’t just her experience. It happens to so many leaders and teams. This conversation reminded me of a deeper issue: feedback in many organizations feels like a formality—something you do during reviews or “feedback season.” But here’s the thing: when feedback becomes a box to check, it reflects the culture. In a culture like that, feedback feels like judgment, not growth. Why Feedback Feels Hard Let’s be honest: feedback is uncomfortable. People avoid it, not because they don’t care, but because: ⇢ They’re not sure how to say it. ⇢ They worry it’ll hurt feelings. ⇢ They assume no news is good news. But feedback doesn’t have to be a big, stressful moment. It can—and should—be part of everyday conversations. When feedback isn’t natural, it leads to: ⇢ Confusion about expectations. ⇢ Missed chances to grow. ⇢ Teams and leaders feeling stuck. But in a culture where feedback flows freely, it feels different. Feedback becomes: ⇢ A way to stay aligned. ⇢ A tool for building trust. ⇢ A shared responsibility to grow together. That’s the kind of culture where people thrive. If you’re a leader, here’s how you can shift the mindset: ⇢ Make It a Conversation, Not an Event Don’t save feedback for reviews. A quick “You did great on X” or “Let’s tweak Y” is enough to keep things moving. ⇢ Ask for Feedback First Start with your team: “What’s one thing I can do better?” It shows you’re open and creates a safe space for them to do the same. ⇢ Set Expectations Early When everyone knows what success looks like, feedback feels clear—not like guesswork. ⇢ Build Trust People need to feel safe to give and receive feedback. Without trust, it just doesn’t work. Last year, when I was at a crossroads in my career, I had a conversation with Nathan SV that changed the way I look at things. He helped me realize that career growth isn’t just about me—it’s about the impact I can have on the organization I work for. That’s the power of honest, meaningful feedback. Thank you, Thalaiva! Over to You ⇢ When was the last time you gave someone honest feedback? ⇢ When was the last time you asked for it? Feedback isn’t about pointing out what’s wrong. It’s about aligning for what’s next. Let’s make feedback a natural part of work—not something we fear, but something we embrace. #Leadership #FeedbackCulture #GrowthMindset #OrganizationalCulture #CareerGrowth #WorkplaceCulture

When Good Training Fails: A Neuroscience Wake-Up Call I will never forget walking into that tech company’s sleek office. Awards lined the lobby, the energy was palpable. Their HR director welcomed me with a familiar mix of enthusiasm and frustration. "We have done everything," she said. "Leadership programmes, feedback training, even brought in the high-profile consultants. Our managers nod along, take notes… and then nothing changes." I smiled. I had heard this before. This was not a training issue. It was a brilliant team stuck in the oldest trap in organisational development: assuming that knowing better automatically leads to doing better. When I spoke with their team leaders, the real story emerged: - I know I should give more feedback, but by Thursday, I am drowning - It feels awkward to bring it up. - I tried, but it felt forced. Then one engineering lead said something I will never forget: "You are teaching us to swim, then dropping us back in the desert and wondering why we are not practising." This was not about willpower. The environment was not designed to support the behaviour. So we changed that. +  We embedded 7-minute "connection checkpoints" into Monday meetings. + Placed simple "feedback cards" on desks. + Blocked out sacred time in calendars labelled "Team Investment Time". + Created peer accountability with one powerful weekly question: + "What conversation did you have that made someone stronger?" Months later, I received a video of a wall filled with anonymous notes of meaningful feedback. 😊 One note simply read: "For the first time, I feel seen here." 💙 Behaviour change is not about what we teach. It is about what people return to. Our brains need environments that make the right behaviours the easy ones. 🧠 So I will leave you with this: What behaviour are you trying to change in your organisation? And what have you done to redesign the environment to support it? Start with what matters. Use neuroscience to uncover the barriers. Then reimagine and reinforce the environment around the behaviour. Because we cannot expect people to change if everything around them stays the same. 💡

The most dangerous kind of feedback isn’t the harsh kind. It’s the kind that sounds fine but changes nothing. Leaders waste hours repeating the same points, wondering why nothing sticks. It’s not laziness on your team’s part. It’s that your words aren’t sparking movement. Here’s what separates feedback that shifts behaviour from feedback that disappears into thin air: 1. Trust before talk:  No trust, no change. People listen with half an ear when they feel judged. 2. Precision over politeness:  “Work on your communication” is vague. Try: “When updates are last-minute, the team scrambles. Sharing earlier would prevent the chaos.” 3. Show strengths before gaps:  When you acknowledge what’s working, people are more willing to improve what isn’t.  For example: “Your presentation was clear and engaging. Adding data at the start would make it even more convincing.” 4. Behaviours, not labels:  Telling someone they’re careless won’t change anything. Showing them the specific action that caused the mistake might. And here are extra ways to make feedback actually land: ➡️Pick the right timing. Feedback in the middle of stress or conflict rarely gets heard. Wait until people are calm enough to absorb it. ➡️ Frame it as a possibility. Instead of only pointing to what went wrong, highlight the potential you see. People lean in when they feel you believe in them. ➡️ Make it a dialogue. Ask “How do you see it?” or “What could help you here?” Feedback works best when it becomes a shared problem-solving moment. ➡️ Anchor to purpose. Connect the feedback to the bigger picture: “When reports are clear, the client trusts us more.” Purpose creates motivation. ➡️ Balance the emotional tone. A steady, calm delivery helps the person stay open. If you sound irritated or rushed, the message gets lost. ➡️ Close with next steps. Clarity comes from knowing exactly what to try next and when you’ll review it together. Feedback is either a lever for growth or a loop you get stuck in. The choice is in how you deliver it. When you give feedback, do you focus more on safety, clarity, or motivation? #feedback #difficultconversations #work

Hey leaders, how's your feedback game? Does every member of your team know where they stand in these areas? -Performance 📈 -Skills/Competencies 💡 -Individual and Team Goals 🎯 -Collaboration and Teamwork 👥 -Initiative and Innovation 💥 -Time Management ⏰ -Career Growth and Progression 🌱 Gallup found that employees who get regular feedback are 3.5 times more likely to be engaged at work than those who get it once a year or less. If you are waiting for mid/annual review time to give your team feedback you are missing the mark. ➡ High performers want meaningful feedback (more than just "keep up the good work"). ➡ Lower performers need meaningful feedback plus support, coaching, and accountability. Good feedback is timely, relevant, actionable, unbiased, and focused on behaviors (not personal traits). Ongoing feedback fosters growth, engagement, and a culture of continuous learning, which is directly connected to employee retention. Your team members should not only receive feedback but also have the opportunity to provide you with feedback. What's the best feedback you've received and how did it impact your career?

Feedback doesn’t have to be awkward. It doesn’t have to feel like an attack. And it doesn’t have to go in one ear and out the other. Here’s how to make it stick. We struggle with feedback. Many find giving and receiving feedback tough. Here are tips to master both: Giving Feedback ↪ Sit down with the person and discuss the topic together. ↪ Start by sharing experiences. Let them speak first if they want. ↪ Agree on points that need improvement. Guide them to find solutions. ↪ If they don't offer areas of improvement, share your observations. ↪ Acknowledge your part in any issues. It's a team effort. ↪ Frame feedback as a joint challenge, not a personal attack. Receiving Feedback ↪ Separate yourself from the task. It's not personal. ↪ Reflect on why the task failed. Was it skills, time, or effort? ↪ Admit your shortcomings. Be honest about what went wrong. ↪ Ask for help if you lacked skills. Show willingness to learn. ↪ Communicate time constraints early. Seek support when needed. ↪ Focus on factors affecting the task, not your personal worth. Mastering feedback can improve team performance and personal growth. Let's get better at it together.

If feedback feels like a threat, you’re missing its potential👇: 1️⃣ Start with Empathy ↳ Acknowledge their efforts before diving into the feedback. 2️⃣ Be Clear and Specific ↳ Use concrete examples like, “In yesterday’s meeting, I noticed...” 3️⃣ Focus on the Behavior, Not the Person ↳ Say, “This behavior affected the project” instead of “You always mess this up.” 4️⃣ Use the “What” and “How” Formula ↳ Frame it like, “When X happened, it caused Y, so let’s address it this way.” 5️⃣ Offer Solutions, Not Just Criticism ↳ Collaborate on solutions by asking, “What do you think would work better next time?” 6️⃣ Check for Understanding ↳ Say, “Does that make sense? How do you see it?” 7️⃣ Follow Up to Support Growth ↳ Schedule a quick follow-up meeting to check on progress and offer further guidance. 📌 PS...Done right, difficult feedback can build trust and foster growth. ♻️ Share this with your network to help them deliver feedback with confidence and care! 🚀 Want more actionable insights? Join 5,000+ leaders reading my newsletter for weekly tips on leadership, performance, and culture. No vague recommendations. All backed by science and experience. ➡️ Join free here: https://lnkd.in/gJr6dcPJ

10 feedback mistakes that silently demotivate your team. Stop crushing morale. Start building trust. Poor feedback destroys psychological safety. These techniques transform criticism into growth. Master them to unlock team potential: 1. Start with a Positive Note → Build rapport by acknowledging strengths → Creates non-defensive environment instantly 2. Focus on Specific Behaviors → Avoid vague comments with precise examples → "The report missed key data points" 3. Use "I" Statements → Frame observations from your perspective → "I noticed deadlines slipped" vs "You failed" 4. Make It Timely → Deliver within 24-48 hours of observation → Ensures relevance and clarity 5. Balance Positive/Negative → Apply feedback sandwich technique → Strength → growth area → strength 6. Address the Issue, Not Person → Critique actions not character → "This error occurred because..." 7. Be Solution-Oriented → Offer actionable improvement steps → "Try X method next time" 8. Create Two-Way Dialogue → Ask "How would you approach this?" → Listen actively to their perspective 9. Focus on Future → Frame around growth opportunities → "Next time, let's try..." 10. Follow Up on Progress → Schedule check-ins for accountability → Reinforces commitment to growth --- Feedback is fertilizer for growth. Your team's potential awaits cultivation. Master this → multiply their greatness. ♻️ Repost this and help others. P.S. Follow me at Nathan Hirsch for more posts on scaling businesses.