Feedback and Coaching for Leaders

🥊 “Jingjin, have you ever considered that women are just inferior to men?” That was her opening line. The lady who challenged me was not a traditionalist in pearls. She was one of the top investment bankers of her time, closed billion-dollar deals, led global teams, the kind of woman whose voice dropped ten degrees when money was on the line. And she meant it. “Back in my day, if I had to hire, I’d always go for the man. No pregnancy leave. No PMS. No emotional volatility. Just less… liability.” And she doesn’t believe in what I do. Helping women lead from a place of wholeness. Because to her, wholeness is a luxury. Winning requires neutrality. And neutrality means: be less female and suck it up! I’ve heard versions of this many times, and too often, from high-performing women who "made it" by suppressing. But facts are: 🧠 There are no consistent brain differences between men and women that explain men’s “logic” or women’s “emotions.” 💥 Hormones impact everyone. Men’s testosterone drops when they nurture. Women’s cortisol rises in toxic workplaces, not because they’re weak, but because they’re sane. 📉 What we call “meritocracy” is often a reward system for those who can perform like they have no body, no children, no cycles. None of those are biologically male traits. They’re artifacts of a system built around male lives. So, if you're a woman who's bought into this logic, here are some counter-strategies: 🛠 1. Study Systems Like You Studied Deals Dissect the incentives, norms, and bias loops of your workplace the same way you’d break down a P&L. Don’t internalize what’s structural. 🧭 2. Redefine Strategic Strengths Stop mirroring alpha aggression to prove you belong. Deep listening, self-regulation, and nuance reading, these are leadership assets, not soft skills. Use them ruthlessly. 💬 3. Name It, Don’t Numb It If your hormones impact you one day a month, say so, but also say what it doesn’t mean: It doesn’t cancel out 29 days of clarity, strategy, and execution. 🪩 4. Build Your Own Meritocracy Start investing in spaces, networks, and cultures where your wholeness isn’t penalized. If none exist, build them. 🧱 5. Deconstruct Before You Self-Doubt When you catch yourself thinking “maybe I’m not built for this,” pause. Ask: Whose rules am I trying to win by? Who benefits when I question myself? This post isn’t about defending women. We don’t need defending. It’s about calling out the internalised metrics we still use to measure ourselves. 👊 And choosing to rewrite them. What’s the most 'rational' reason you’ve heard for why women are a liability?

Performance conversations are more than evaluations—they're opportunities to inspire reflection, growth, and clarity. I've been reflecting on how we can approach these moments with greater purpose.   Too often, we dive into discussions focused solely on outcomes or metrics. But what if we paused to look deeper? What if we encouraged employees—and ourselves—to approach these moments from different vantage points: stepping back to observe like a fly on the wall, zooming out to the balcony for perspective, and then engaging with purpose on the dance floor?   This layered approach challenges us to ask meaningful questions: "What patterns am I noticing? How do my efforts align with broader goals? What could I do better?" It’s a mindset shift that transforms performance conversations into opportunities for growth, even when outcomes aren’t ideal. Here are a few practical ways to bring this perspective to life: 1. Start with Observation (Fly on the Wall): Before diving into feedback, encourage employees to reflect on their contributions objectively. Ask questions like " What moments felt like your strongest? What would you approach differently? help set a tone of self-awareness." 2. Zoom Out to the Bigger Picture (Balcony): Help employees see how their work connects to broader team and organizational goals. This shift in perspective ensures the conversation isn’t just about isolated outcomes but about long-term impact and alignment. 3. Engage with Purpose (Dance Floor): End every conversation with actionable steps and encouragement. Even when feedback is tough, leave employees with clarity and optimism. A simple affirmation like "I believe in your ability to grow from this", can turn a challenging moment into a catalyst for improvement. Performance conversations are a dance between reflection and action, but they’re also about perspective—knowing when to step back, when to zoom out, and when to engage fully. When we guide our teams to critique their own contributions—not to judge, but to grow—we unlock their potential and leave them inspired to improve. Would love to hear your perspective.

Great leaders aren’t great because they’re perfect. They’re great because they learn fast. This is important as we approach the performance feedback season. And receiving feedback starts with the right mindset. Early in my career, I feared feedback. I overprepared, overexplained, and tried to prove I was doing things right. I thought feedback was a verdict. I was wrong. My growth took off only when I realized that progress is directly tied to how well you learn from feedback. Once I shifted from defending my past to improving my future, everything clicked. Today, I look forward to feedback. Not because it’s easy but because it shows me where to focus. That’s how I get better. Here is what works for me:  First, I don’t try to fix everything. Pick 1-2 themes. Focus beats overwhelm. Second, I share my feedback - all of it, with my team. It builds trust and shows that I am taking my growth seriously.  Third, I make it actionable. I have a plan on how I’ll improve this week, this month, this quarter. I then measure progress to iterate. Feedback isn’t something to survive. It is the breakfast for champions. How are you planning to grow with feedback this year?

In my first year as a manager I alienated one of my reports by giving him too much feedback in a direct and pointed way. The feedback was "right" but delivered to bluntly and thus unwelcome. Just because you “can” give feedback doesn’t mean you should. The power of your feedback comes from the trust you build with your reports. Here is how you can build it: The most important thing to understand is that even if you have the institutional authority to deliver this feedback (your title), you need the relational authority before you can deliver it effectively. Read this line again please - doing so will help you avoid either giving pain or making problems for yourself (I did both). This means that your reports need to trust and respect you before they will listen to any feedback you give. You can build this trust and respect by: 0) Being Empathetic I was too blunt. I thought that only being right or wrong mattered, not how I said things or the judgment in my tone and words. I lacked Emotional Intelligence (EQ). How you say things matters, and this means not just the words you say but the real intent behind them. My intention in that early review was not truly focused on helping the person, but rather on scolding him into better behavior. I'm not surprised he reacted poorly to it. 1) Being Consistent Good managers are consistently giving feedback—both bad and good—to their reports. Make sure you are recognizing and acknowledging your employees’ strengths as much (or more) than you are pointing out their areas for improvement. This will make them feel comfortable with you pointing out room for improvement because they know you see them for more than their flaws. 2) Never surprise someone with a review. This is related to point 1. If you are consistently giving small pieces of feedback, a more serious piece of negative feedback should not blindside your employee. They should know that it is coming and understand what the issue is. 3) Deliver corrective feedback ASAP, and use clear examples. As soon as you see a pattern of behavior that needs to be addressed, address it using clear evidence. This gives the employee the chance to reflect on the behavior while it is still fresh in their minds, not months later when their review comes around. 4) Check in to confirm that you are being heard correctly Ask the employee if they understand the feedback you are giving and why you are giving it. 5) Be specific enough to drive change The more specific behaviors and examples you can use to support your feedback, the better your employee can understand that you aren’t speaking from a place of dislike or bias. This also gives them more concrete references to inform their behavior change. Readers—What other ways do you build a relationship before giving feedback? (Or, how have you messed this up?)

The One Skill of Top 0.1% Performers? There’s one trait that separates high achievers from the rest. It’s not intelligence. It’s not talent. It’s coachability. Top performers: ✅ Seek feedback, even when it’s hard to hear. ✅ Adapt quickly instead of resisting change. ✅ Turn mistakes into lessons, not excuses. Here’s how to build your coachability muscle: 1. Drop the Ego → High performers don’t get defensive. → They see feedback as fuel, not failure. 💡 The Fix: Next time you receive criticism, say, “Tell me more.” 2. Ask for Brutal Honesty → The best employees actively request feedback. → They crave truth, not comfort. 💡 The Fix: Ask, “What’s one thing I could do better?” – and mean it. 3. Apply Feedback Fast → Absorbing feedback is useless if you don’t act on it. → Execution beats intention every time. 💡 The Fix: After getting feedback, take one immediate action. 4. Stay Curious, Not Defensive → Coachable people seek to understand, not argue. → They ask “Why?” instead of saying “That won’t work.” 💡 The Fix: Replace “But…” with “That’s interesting, tell me more.” 5. Embrace the Uncomfortable → Growth lives on the other side of discomfort. → The best improve by stretching beyond their limits. 💡 The Fix: If feedback makes you uncomfortable, lean into it. Every great leader, athlete, and innovator is highly coachable. The question is: Are you? 👇 What’s one piece of feedback that changed your career? --- ♻️ Find this helpful? Repost for your network. ➕ Follow Dr Alexander Young for daily insights on productivity, leadership, and AI.

That time I asked Chat GPT for feedback on my coaching style 🫣 After reading the Harvard Business Review article “How AI Helped Executives Improve Communication” by Dr Katharina Lange and José Parra Moyano, I was intrigued. The premise was simple: leaders recorded real conversations, ran them through AI, and got objective feedback on their coaching style. Naturally, I got curious. What would I learn if I applied the same idea to one of my own coaching conversations? As the host of the Coaching Real Leaders podcast, I actually have an unusual advantage: some of my coaching sessions are recorded and transcribed. So I pulled up a recent episode (Season 9, Episode 5 — “How Do I Co-lead with a Challenging Partner” if you’re interested) and ran it through AI, following the same process described in the article. ✅ I lean on reflective, forward-moving questions (good—I sometimes second-guess that). ✅ I balance confronting + informative styles without taking over (nice validation). ✅ My coaching flow is consistent: reflect → reframe → act. ✅ I could make more space for deeper emotions (fair point—I usually let them unfold on their own). Nothing shocking—but a great reminder of the power of feedback in a profession that often operates behind closed doors. Of course, I know most coaches can’t just drop conversations into AI for analysis, given confidentiality. I was only able to do this because my podcast episodes are already shared publicly (with client permission). But that doesn’t mean feedback isn’t accessible—it just takes creativity. Like listening back to a recording (with permission), inviting objective peer review, or using structured reflection tools, like Heron’s Six Intervention Styles as mentioned in the article. All of these are ways to see ourselves more clearly. So, fellow coaches, I’m curious: - When’s the last time you listened to yourself coach? - What patterns would you notice? - How do you know if your conversations are having impact? Coaching is a craft. Feedback is one of the sharpest tools we have to keep it honed. I’d love to hear how you get feedback on your coaching—drop your tips in the comments. #ExecutiveCoaching #CoachingRealLeaders #HBR #SelfAwareness #CoachingFeedback #AI

Your response to feedback reveals more about your leadership potential than your actual performance. After coaching hundreds of executives through difficult feedback conversations, I've learned that how you receive feedback determines how much you'll receive in the future. The feedback death spiral looks like this: 1) Someone gives you honest input 2) You get defensive or make excuses 3) They decide you're not coachable 4) They stop investing in your development 5) You stop growing What high-potential leaders do differently when receiving feedback: ✅ Stay Curious, Not Defensive Replace: "That's not what I meant" With: "Help me understand what you observed" ✅ Ask Clarifying Questions "Can you give me a specific example?" "What would you recommend I do differently?" "How did that impact you/the team?" ✅ Summarize and Confirm "What I'm hearing is..." "Let me make sure I understand..." "The key takeaway for me is..." ✅ Express Genuine Gratitude • Thank them for their courage to speak up • Even if the delivery wasn't perfect • Even if you disagree with the content Treat feedback like market research about your leadership brand. The person giving it is your customer, telling you about their experience with your "product." You don't have to agree with all feedback, but you should always understand it. The best leaders I coach actively seek feedback because they know their careers depend on what they can't see about themselves. Coaching can help; let's chat. | Follow Joshua Miller #executivecoaching #feedback #leadership #careeradvice #business

I’ve been leading teams across 3 countries for more than 20 years, and this is something I wish i knew earlier - Sometimes, the best ideas come from unexpected places. Two decades in sourcing have shown me that the best insights come from hands-on experience. Leading teams, especially in the warehouse, taught me the power of giving people real ownership and autonomy. When leaders empower teams with true ownership, target achievement rises by 90% (McKinsey & Company, 2023). It’s not just delegation—it’s about employees becoming CEOs of their roles, driving strategies independently. The best solutions come from creating trust and open dialogue. Our biggest wins stem from: 📌 Nurturing psychological safety: Teams perform 25% better when they feel safe to speak up (Google's Project Aristotle, 2023). 📌 Building connections: One-on-one conversations help me understand team members' aspirations and challenges. 📌 Empowering through trust: Giving my team decision-making power leads to growth and exceeds expectations. Because leadership isn't about having the loudest voice in the room—it's about amplifying the voices that often go unheard. What's your approach to building trust within your team?

Over the past 20 years, I've had the opportunity to work with the world's best leaders. Here’s the truth I’ve seen across every industry, team, and culture: Emotionally intelligent leaders don’t fear criticism. Most people don’t struggle with criticism because of the words being said; they struggle because of the emotions those words trigger. They use it. They turn feedback into fuel. Here’s how you can handle criticism with emotional intelligence: 1) Don’t react Work on self-regulating. Pause for 2–3 seconds. Breathe. Let the emotional spike settle. Instant reactions destroy clarity. Regulated responses create it. 2) Separate the message from the emotion. Ask yourself: What part of this feedback is valuable? What’s not? Self-awareness turns defensiveness into insight. 3) Assume positive intent, even when it’s hard. Most people aren’t trying to attack you. They’re trying to be heard. This mindset shift can transform high-performing teams. 4) Get curious, not combative. Say: “Help me understand what you’re seeing.” Questions lower tensions; curiosity opens doors. 5) Take ownership of your part. Emotionally intelligent leaders reflect, adjust, and move forward. 6) Use criticism to grow your leadership presence. Every piece of feedback is data about: • How you’re showing up • How others experience you • How you can communicate more effectively Criticism is an opportunity reflect, grow and respond with confidence. If you want to lead with influence, trust, and emotional maturity, mastering this skill is non-negotiable. What’s one strategy that has helped you handle tough feedback more effectively? Follow me, Christopher D. Connors, for more insights on how to lead with emotional intelligence.

Have you ever been told you are too quiet? Maybe you don’t speak up enough so, “people worry about your leadership skills.” Or, you don’t advocate enough for yourself so, “you aren’t taking control of your career like a natural born leader.” If so, this article is for you. Maybe you’ve received feedback that there is concern over your analytical skills and “quant chops.” Or, there is some general, yet vague, feedback that leadership worries, “you lack that killer instinct.” Or, maybe it’s the opposite and you are “too bossy” or “too opinionated.” Have you heard any of these things?  I have over my career. Instead of letting them control my path, I got upset, then angry, then curious. I decided that none of these descriptions were really a good read on me, or my leadership potential, and I decided to change the perception. You can too. I’ve interviewed hundreds of women in senior leadership over the years and one thing is clear: we’re navigating a constant push and pull. Be strong, but not too strong. Be likable, but not too soft. Show your ambition, but don’t make anyone uncomfortable. Women aren’t just doing the job, they’re doing the extra work of managing how they’re perceived while they’re doing the job. We wrote this piece for HBR because it’s important for women to know how to not only subvert stereotypes and shape how others see them, but to do it without losing themselves in the process. Too many of us think there is nothing we can do when we hear feedback that doesn’t feel quite right. Sometimes, there are actions we can take. I love this piece so much because it says we don’t have to be victim to the stories about us or around us, we can do something about it.   1️⃣ Craft a counternarrative – Instead of internalizing biased feedback, reshape how people see you by aligning your strengths with what the organization values (on your terms!). 2️⃣ Use positive association – Enthusiasm and future-focused language can subtly shift others’ assumptions  and build trust. 3️⃣ Turn feedback into power – Don’t immediately accept or reject it, investigate it. Use it to understand what success looks like in your environment, and then find authentic ways to express that in your own leadership style. So if you’ve ever felt like your success depends not just on what you do, but how you’re seen…you’re not imagining it. Especially in times of economic uncertainty and shifting priorities, it becomes even more pronounced. And while there are no one-size-fits-all strategies, when women take control of their story, they open doors for themselves AND others. Let’s stop contorting ourselves to fit outdated models. We can rewrite the models themselves. Let me know what you think. https://lnkd.in/gcCSE7XW Colleen Ammerman Harvard Business Review Lakshmi Ramarajan Lisa Sun